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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29091576">Scream</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alilypea/pseuds/ALilyPea'>ALilyPea (alilypea)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anger Management, Depression, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:14:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>464</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29091576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/alilypea/pseuds/ALilyPea</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a scream that lives inside him, clawing at his insides to get out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Scream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first time writing for 9-1-1 fandom. I was just feeling a little off and then thinking about Eddie.</p><p>This is intended to be Buddie though it's not overt but could be gen if you like. </p><p>Please be kind.</p><p>Comments and kudos are always welcome. </p><p>
  <b>TW: Depression, anxiety, anger management and feelings of helplessness</b>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There are days when he feels like all he can do is try to stop himself from screaming. The sound lives inside of him, curled like an enraged snake, ready to strike. He fights to keep himself from talking too loudly, in fear it might escape. </p><p>His shoulders are tense, and it feels like something is squeezing his heart inside his chest.</p><p>He knows he’s fortunate. He got to come home. He has a son who shines like the sun. He has Pepe, Abuela, the 118. He has Buck.</p><p>Some days he doesn’t feel like he’s enough. </p><p>This is one of those days. </p><p>It’s another routine call, but when he sees the kid, almost an adult really, holding a lighter with a shocked look on his face, he has to keep himself back from lashing out, from shaking the kid and screaming at him that he could’ve killed his whole damn family. </p><p>Bobby steers him toward the truck with a hand pressed firmly to the shoulder, and he tries not to look back when he jerks away to climb in.</p><p>He wants to hurt someone. He hurts. So why shouldn’t someone else? </p><p>Buck climbs in next to him and knocks his knee against his, waiting until he looks at him. “Do you need to make a phone call?”</p><p>He takes a breath in and lets it out slowly, leaning forward.</p><p>Buck leans in and reaches for his hand, clasping it in his he squeezes tight.</p><p>Eddie squeezes back, and takes a breath in, then lets it out. He does it again and holds it, his chest full and puffed out. </p><p>“Let it go,” Buck murmurs into his ear. “Let it out.”</p><p>Eddie releases the air and grips Buck’s hand a little tighter, their palms sliding together slightly with sweat. </p><p>“You’re okay; it’s just a bad day,” Buck hooks his ankle around Eddie’s. “Bad days pass. You’ve got me.”</p><p>“I’ve got you,” Eddie replies back and hates how his voice cracks. </p><p>“You’ve got me,” Buck repeats. “We’ll go back to the station, you’ll drink some water, and then you’ll call Frank.” </p><p>It’s not really a suggestion, and Eddie jerks his head in a nod. </p><p>Buck holds his hand all the way back to the station and makes sure no one approaches the bunks while Eddie makes a quick phone call. </p><p>The rest of their shift plays out quietly, his teammates seeming to understand that all he needs is time, but their silent support means a lot.</p><p>Buck’s hand touches his lower back, and as he’s steered toward the Jeep instead of his truck, the scream inside of him loosens slightly. </p><p>It won’t escape today, and when it does, maybe it won’t be as loud as it seems. And if it does, well, Buck’s got him.</p>
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